A Direct Response to Those who Say Women Had No Right to March:

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Social media has been abuzz with opinions in the past few days, mostly involving the women around the world who chose to march in response to, what many assume, is the election and inauguration of Trump. While I would never deny many of us are left feeling disenfranchised by the surreal reality of what’s transpired, let’s get one thing clear, he is not important enough alone to warrant these marches. He’s just gasoline on a pile of smoldering discrimination many experience every day.

For those, including women, who say women are not discriminated against in the US, there is apparently a disconnect between realities. It’s undoubtedly some level of privilege that allows some to say “I’ve never seen this or that”—a privilege many would love to live. However, to be clear, one person’s reality does not mean it is the realty for all. We cannot know what every woman in this nation experiences by glancing through our own windows. To be understood fully, we have to look through all the windows from every level—a task only possible by listening to the qualitative data—the voices—so many like to deny, or worse, squelch. Maybe some have never been mistreated or disrespected as females in the US, but some have. To say we American women have it made as a whole is a damaging misconception at best, a despicable lie at worst.

Here’s the truth many would like to shove off the playing field we call protest:

If you have never been humiliated, belittled, or damaged by the process of reporting a rape within the US, you do not get to say women & women’s rights are important here.

If you have never been slut shamed for wearing the clothes you choose, or worse, been blamed for your own sexual assault because of them, you do not get to say women are held in high regard.

If you have never been denied a medically necessary abortion because a group’s religious beliefs interfere with the process of medical care, you do not get to say women always have the right to choose.

If you have never tried to attain a promotion or raise in a male-dominated field without being told to “get in the kitchen, “ being forced to flirt, or being forced to perform sexual favors, you do not get to say women are treated equally.

If you have never had to fight your insurance company to cover preventative tests, like pap smears or cancer screenings, while insurance is regularly covering Viagra for impotence, you do not get to tell women their lives matter.

If you have never been forced to either abstain from sex or get pregnant, even in the context of a marriage, because you can’t afford the birth control your insurance won’t cover, you do not get to say women have the same choices as men.

If you have never become pregnant as the result of a rape, and then been forced to give your rapist visitation rights of that child, you do not get to tell women they have the same control as men.
If you have never reported domestic abuse, only to be asked what you did to make him mad, you cannot say women have equal protection.

If you have never had to fight your employer for maternity leave, a clean, private area & the time to pump breast milk for your child, you do not get to say the workplace is “woman friendly”.
If you have never had to tell a man you have a boyfriend to stop his advances because “I’m not interested, “ or “No” were not enough, you cannot say men value women’s opinions.

This is just a short list of the discrimination women face in the US. It doesn’t even begin to touch on intersectionallity, or the discrimation felt by other ethnic and religious groups. No, it’s not Saudi Arabia, Guatemala, or India. No, we do not have honor killings and female genital mutilation, although those things happen in the shadows. However, the argument that we don’t have it as bad as them is as ridiculous as saying someone with lung cancer shouldn’t complain because someone with brain cancer has it worse. It’s still cancer, which is exactly why women rose up to meet the occasion.

We stand and fight because a man who not only openly scoffs at, but promotes the degradation of women and other minorities represents the cancer that has lived so long within this country. Trump isn’t the only problem. It’s everything he represents. Sure, maybe he is a good businessperson. Maybe his failures are fewer than his successes, but it’s how he became successful we should worry about. The way he speaks, the way he openly degrades, women, people of color, Muslims, immigrants, and people who live with disabilities is sickening. To allow his presidency to become a larger reign of terror is to let us all implode.

You see, we don’t march so we can have casual Fridays, free cable, or even because we don’t like the word “pussy”. We march because when he says “grab,” “wall,” or “register,” we know what that connotes: assault fascism, and the end of the freedoms so many of us have fought for—not just for ourselves, but for ALL.

A Cycle of Abuse:Understanding Why Women Might Vote for Trump

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If there’s one thing I know, it’s the mindset of the abused woman: how we get there, why we stay there. I was an abused woman; it’s not just observation that gives me this insight. So, when I read this New York Times article about why women chose to vote for President elect Donald Trump, I heard the voices of so many women, myself included, who have excused an abuser’s bad behavior. Many of the reasons some of these women cite could come straight from an abused girlfriend’s or wife’s memoir.

One woman, Kasia Riddle, used the “good earner” excuse, stating the PEOTUS has “good business sense”. Pam Cornett said the words many abused women say when confronted by loved ones about their abusive significant other, telling others they shouldn’t categorize him: You “can’t put him in a box.” There were other varying reasons, but two were particularly bothersome and telling. Guzin Karide says she believes Trump is “a voice for women,” while Sandy Pearson is quoted as saying Trump is a “good man, deep down.” Pearson, from whom the headline of the article is taken, suggests her choice was easy when she would overlook the bad and “focus on the good.”

Women have been conditioned to “focus on the good” for centuries. We are taught from infancy to speak only kind words and to never mention someone’s negative attributes, no matter how bad they might be. Ladylike decorum trumps being truthful, pun not intended, but fitting. We’re even told to smile through pain and difficult situations; our menfolk don’t like to be uncomfortable due to our disapproving facial expressions. We’ve also been taught we don’t have a valid voice in the world. As Karide’s statement suggests, we need someone to be our voice—someone besides a female, someone who the world takes seriously: a man.

Despite our struggle to escape this unfortunate truth, the word of a man, even an abusive man, is worth far more to the world than the supposedly overly emotional, indecisive, misguided, shiftless voice of a woman, regardless of her level of experience or expertise. Thus the reason women for centuries have married men who mistreated them, stayed with their abusers, and focused on men’s “good” qualities instead of giving them the boot. After all, both men and women describe females who choose to be single as “damaged” and “faulty,” or even as “rabid feminists” not to be taken seriously. We don’t even trust other women, let alone expect men to see us in a different light.

Understanding the fact women still rely on men who leave them battered and broken emotionally, financially, and physically makes understanding why some women can look to Trump, and his plethora of male-centric supporters, as the “voice of women,” the man who will “Make American Great Again,” the “good man, deep down” who, regardless of his repulsive rhetoric and actions, will lead us into a financially and socially secure place as a nation. Men have inculcated women to not only ignore, but deny abusive actions and words in order to protect the patriarchy and its power. Escaping this harsh truth is difficult at best.

American women who speak out about their decision to vote for Trump are reminiscent of the hundreds of women I’ve spoken with who try to excuse their abusers.

He only wants what’s best for me. It’s my fault he has to be so harsh.”
“He’s not that bad once you get to know him.”
“He really loves me. He just sounds mean.”
“He didn’t really lie. He just didn’t tell me the whole truth because he knew I’d overreact. ”
“He’s better than someone else who might abuse me worse.”

I’ve heard the stories over and again—different voices, same plot. Women who’ve decided to vote for Trump are largely the same. Just as we shouldn’t judge a woman whose significant other punches them in the face, we shouldn’t judge the women who choose to support Trump. Instead, this should open a new dialogue. Maybe if we changed the way we taught women to respect men and excuse their abuse, these supporters would have viewed our President Elect through different eyes. Maybe if we taught women not to accept misogyny,they wouldn’t accept it from the man who will be in a position of power strong enough to diminish all we’ve fought to achieve.

Appealing To Fear: A Man Named Trump

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How could anyone be drawn to someone toxic? We’ve all asked that question so many times about people in abusive relationships. As so many people are caught under the spell of all things Trump, I can’t help but wonder the same question. It’s like an entire part of our Nation’s population is bemused by the words of a man who the rest of us want to warn them about. “No. Don’t pick him. He’ll only hurt you.” He doesn’t even hide his abusive nature very well; he makes openly misogynistic, racist remarks on live television for the entire world to hear. The curious thing isn’t that he says these things. What’s interesting is why so many listen in earnest.

Donald Trump has an appeal. He’s confident. His face is stern, fatherly maybe. He nearly sweats masculinity, and he doesn’t mince words. His reputation as a wealthy, successful businessman proceeds him, making him seem like an authority figure. Many look to Trump as a great leader because of his authoritative appeal, but there is something lurking beneath the surface they may not see.

Trump is a businessman. He knows how to pitch a good business plan, even when it’s not so good. He can make the sale, obviously. There is no doubt he has summed up his audience and their desires in order to make the sale. What he found when surveying a group he knew would buy into his pitch were people who had been terrified. They were fed up with terrorist attacks, and they wanted a solid solution. I mean, we all want a solution, right? The problem is that some folks are looking for a definitive solution to an equation without an easy, workable solution. He also found an underground of supporters who love his politics because it aligns with their own racist ideals. No doubt they want him because it helps them implement their own sickening agendas, and further resist the push for equality.

Another part of his appeal is his overtly masculine demeanor. People want protection. They’re looking for a daddy figure to roll in and save the day much like children being bullied on a playground. Trump stands up with his unapologetic “I’ll get ‘em at all cost” attitude, and people are more than willing to buy what he’s selling. Of course his logic is, at the very least flawed, and at the worst racist and misogynistic, but his supporters only see a protector. What they fail to recognize is his “plans” could crumble and divide this entire Nation. The underbelly of our country, ripe with racist agendas, would say the Nation is already destroyed because their white authority has been threatened, but they would say that until every person of color was back in chains. They’d love to have a man like Trump to help them get there, and so far, Trump seems like their fearless leader. At this point, though, he has only suggested  vague policies that are impossible to implement from the outset, and would enrage and alienate a large portion of our population, not to mention the rest of the world, causing increased violence.

He isn’t the first person to run on the guise of triumphing over fear. Unfortunately, so did Mussolini and Hitler. We can all see how those regimes ended, and I don’t think the American people want to follow in those tragic historical footsteps. Avid Trump supporters need to wake up and realize that their Wannabe Daddy will bring more harm than he ever will good. He’s only appealing to their fearful sides, and fueling a fire of racism, discrimination, and hate. Trump isn’t offering working policies for the betterment of the American people any more than the dad who threatens to beat up an 11 year old bully is. He’s no more than a mouthpiece looking to profit from the fears and insecurities of American citizens. If elected, he will without doubt, become the abusive parent from whom we will have difficulty separating ourselves. He’s already shown us the signs with his debasing, pejorative language and overbearing attitude. What Trump hates is logic. It’s his kryptonite. While his supporters call what he says “Truth,” his words are not only not true, they aren’t even close. We do not need to be led by a man who refuses to work in facts and logic. We don’t need a father figure, either. What we need is someone who leads by intelligence. The solutions are out there. Trump isn’t it. The quicker his supporters come to terms with the fact he will only harm them, the better off we’ll all be.

 

(Cover image source: http://www.bustle.com/articles/119046-donald-trump-hair-makeup-tutorials-for-halloween-2015)